Letter

A few days back I received a letter from a child that I had to have removed from my home. I've stayed in touch with the caseworker and receive occasional updates about how the child is doing.

Dear ManyMom,
Hi!! How are you? I am typing this letter because I want to say something. I am sorry for what I did at your house. You treated me nicely and respectfully and I treated you like a jerk. I am sorry for not following your directions when you told me to do something. If I could have done the whole stay at your house over again, I would have followed your directions and treated you with the same respect that you treated me with. I wish I had made some better choices so I could have stayed in your home. If I would have known where I would be heading after I left your home, I would never have done any of this stuff. Two weeks ago I got all my stuff that you had packed and given to CaseWorker. In that stuff I found one of those cards that you had given me on respite. The one's you told me to open at night before bed. I read over it. While reading over it I started to cry because I felt guilty for what I had done to you and your family. I regret what I have done. I just want to say I am sorry and ask if you will forgive me for what I have done. I hope my next letter will be on a happier note, I just feel that this should be my first letter to you to tell you I am sorry.
Sincerely,
Former Foster Child

Here's the thing. I can only feel apathy. The system totally and completely failed this child. By the time I got FFC, there wasn't much I could do. If it had been just us, I think we would have made it through, but there are other kids in my house and the situation was becoming dangerous. So FFC is somewhere else feeling guilty because FFC treated me poorly, when really? Of course FFC did. That's all FFC had to work with , the only tools that felt safe and reasonable. Push away, keep away, don't let ManyMom in, she might go away, she might send me away.

*sigh*