What a wonderful week in the city with the Parents and their children. The weather was divine, with crisp in the air, leaves falling everywhere, and the beginnings of scarf temperatures!
I danced. Some very fantastic dances and the worst dance I've ever had as well.
And I spent lots of time with the Parents and their kids. What a joy it was to see them as a family. I wondered if the children would know me, at least a little. The 2 1/2 yr old knew who I was, because his parents talk about me and have pictures of me around. But he didn't know me beyond that. And the twins, they didn't seem to have any special memory of me either. And I wondered, before I got there, how I'd feel if they didn't.
And I felt relieved! It was amazing to see their family. To get to part of their day-to-day as a friend, but to not be pregnant, to not be the one making their dreams true, to just be a treasured friend. It was so perfectly right that the babies didn't know me, and that Tor was shy with me.
Surrogacy has new adventures for me all the time. I wasn't sure completely what I would feel seeing Tor and the babies again. Would I feel a tug of connection? Would I feel some sadness? Would I feel judgmental about how they parent? I really had no idea. But what I felt was satisfaction and completion. I realized, it doesn't really matter to me whether people know how the children got here, and it doesn't even really matter to me if the children know how they got here. Of course, I can say that knowing that the Parents love me, that they honor our experience together, and that the children DO know how much love they were made with. If I weren't so appreciated and treated with such respect, maybe I would feel different?
Again, I am awed by what an amazing experience surrogacy with this family has been.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
WOW!
If ever there were something to kick my butt back into posting, it's the hundred + hits I've received this morning courtesy of Mamapedia Voices! Thank you so much for featuring my post.
I am off to New York this weekend to visit the twins, their brother and their fabulous parents! I could not be more thrilled!
I'll post something with a bit more depth later, but I wanted to say that special thanks to Mamapedia, both for featuring me and for getting me on the blog train again.
I am off to New York this weekend to visit the twins, their brother and their fabulous parents! I could not be more thrilled!
I'll post something with a bit more depth later, but I wanted to say that special thanks to Mamapedia, both for featuring me and for getting me on the blog train again.
Friday, August 21, 2009
An Open Letter to Movement Invites Movement
Dear Movement Invites Movement Tango Bloggers:
I am alternately frustrated and interested in what you have to say. I don't particularly *like* your blog as I often feel that your posts convey a snarky sense of better than, and that puts me off--maybe because I'm new to the tango community, maybe because I care about what my community thinks of me and your lack of caring offends that? I don't really know. But I want to comment on your lack of allowing comments.
I'd like to dialogue with you. I'd like to discuss your opinions and understand why you have them. Your assertion that the comment section is for bashing isn't something I have really seen happening on most of the blogs I've read. In fact, most of the tango blogs I read spur honest and illuminating conversation. And are full of support and interest and nice networking opportunities. I have had far more instances of being touched and moved by someone's post or comment than I have been angered, hurt or frustrated.
So, because you choose not to hear what others have to say about your posts, perhaps you are just robbing yourself of the opportunity to really be part of this internet tango blogging community, such that it is. If you have no desire to really connect, then stop whining about people being turned off by your not allowing comments. But if you do want to connect and share ideas and thoughts, for goodness sakes, put your big girl/boy panties on and jump in. I'd welcome you.
Sincerely,
Fledgling Tanguera
(please note, my comments are OPEN)
I am alternately frustrated and interested in what you have to say. I don't particularly *like* your blog as I often feel that your posts convey a snarky sense of better than, and that puts me off--maybe because I'm new to the tango community, maybe because I care about what my community thinks of me and your lack of caring offends that? I don't really know. But I want to comment on your lack of allowing comments.
I'd like to dialogue with you. I'd like to discuss your opinions and understand why you have them. Your assertion that the comment section is for bashing isn't something I have really seen happening on most of the blogs I've read. In fact, most of the tango blogs I read spur honest and illuminating conversation. And are full of support and interest and nice networking opportunities. I have had far more instances of being touched and moved by someone's post or comment than I have been angered, hurt or frustrated.
So, because you choose not to hear what others have to say about your posts, perhaps you are just robbing yourself of the opportunity to really be part of this internet tango blogging community, such that it is. If you have no desire to really connect, then stop whining about people being turned off by your not allowing comments. But if you do want to connect and share ideas and thoughts, for goodness sakes, put your big girl/boy panties on and jump in. I'd welcome you.
Sincerely,
Fledgling Tanguera
(please note, my comments are OPEN)
Monday, August 17, 2009
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Teen Talk
Here's my new approach:
When listening to my teen's continually rude and grating, know-it-all, how-dare-you-even-consider-disturbing-me tone of voice, I will attempt to hear it like I would hear a foreigner's thick accent. And I will attempt to respond with the patience and care I would gladly extend to a foreigner I was having a difficult time understanding.
Because I'm pretty sure I don't contemplate strangling heavily-accented foreigners every time they open their mouths.
When listening to my teen's continually rude and grating, know-it-all, how-dare-you-even-consider-disturbing-me tone of voice, I will attempt to hear it like I would hear a foreigner's thick accent. And I will attempt to respond with the patience and care I would gladly extend to a foreigner I was having a difficult time understanding.
Because I'm pretty sure I don't contemplate strangling heavily-accented foreigners every time they open their mouths.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Where in the World is Fledgling Tanguera?
Hello Friends...
I know I have been remiss in blogging and I apologize.
Shortly after having the babies, I enjoyed a very short respite of normality, enjoying my children and life. And then disaster struck.
I am a board member on my children's school board. We are a very sweet 230ish kid K-8 public charter Montessori school. Well, our school burned down. Since then, we have been feverishly working to locate a new home, deal with insurance, order supplies, mobilize parent groups, etc.... the list is never ending. It has been a heartbreaking, and equally moving, time. I am touched by the commitment, dedication and love that the parents and staff express, and the kindness and support of our community as we attempt to pull ourselves up and rebuild.
So, no, I am not done blogging. I will return to sharing and purging when things slow down and our future is more secure.
In the meantime...I am doing some dancing. :)
I know I have been remiss in blogging and I apologize.
Shortly after having the babies, I enjoyed a very short respite of normality, enjoying my children and life. And then disaster struck.
I am a board member on my children's school board. We are a very sweet 230ish kid K-8 public charter Montessori school. Well, our school burned down. Since then, we have been feverishly working to locate a new home, deal with insurance, order supplies, mobilize parent groups, etc.... the list is never ending. It has been a heartbreaking, and equally moving, time. I am touched by the commitment, dedication and love that the parents and staff express, and the kindness and support of our community as we attempt to pull ourselves up and rebuild.
So, no, I am not done blogging. I will return to sharing and purging when things slow down and our future is more secure.
In the meantime...I am doing some dancing. :)
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Happy 1 Year Blog-a-Birthday!
I missed it because I was busy off having babies, but as of May 25th, I've been blogging for 1 year!
Beautiful Moments
For me, the moment that makes it true, the moment that makes it all just right, the moment that I carry in my head and heart as the most perfect moments in our surrogacy;
It's the moment after birth when I hold the babies and the mother says something and they turn their heads toward her voice. Because they know her. Babies instinctively turn toward their mothers' voices.
I remember the moment it happened with Tor, and the delight I felt and the surprise! And then the absolute perfectness of that moment. And with the twinnies, ahhhh, the same joy.
It could not be more beautiful than that moment.
It's the moment after birth when I hold the babies and the mother says something and they turn their heads toward her voice. Because they know her. Babies instinctively turn toward their mothers' voices.
I remember the moment it happened with Tor, and the delight I felt and the surprise! And then the absolute perfectness of that moment. And with the twinnies, ahhhh, the same joy.
It could not be more beautiful than that moment.
They're Gone. : (
Today I kissed their precious little heads, hugged their parents hard, and said my GoodByes.
It's such a bittersweet moment to have them go home. I want desperately for them to return to their lives and settle into their being parents, to leave the surrogacy part of it behind and just be their family. To have the completion and the normalcy that families not struck with infertility have. To just be a family, not a family through surrogacy.
And so I held them tight and loved their sweet little butter bodies, and talked and laughed with the parents, and put each special second in a sacred decorated part of my brain to mull over and dig through and wallow in for the next week as I miss them terribly.
And my heart is so tender and filled with joy and I am completely at peace, but Oh, I miss them already. I miss the parents and the way they light up when their babies lock eyes with them. I miss the way the parents talk to eachother with the closeness of people who know eachother through and through. I miss the closeness and special delight we all have in eachother. I miss the feel of their little bodies melting against me. I miss the joy I get from watching the parents figure out all the intricacies of what their babies like. I guess I just miss them.
And still, I am filled with an indescribable joy and sense of completion and satisfaction. This is what surrogacy is, this combination of love and passion and perfect loss.
I am so proud of those parents and feel so lucky to share in this special thing we all did together. I can't think of what I did to deserve such a blessing, but I am thankful and humbled to be granted such a love as strong as this.
It's such a bittersweet moment to have them go home. I want desperately for them to return to their lives and settle into their being parents, to leave the surrogacy part of it behind and just be their family. To have the completion and the normalcy that families not struck with infertility have. To just be a family, not a family through surrogacy.
And so I held them tight and loved their sweet little butter bodies, and talked and laughed with the parents, and put each special second in a sacred decorated part of my brain to mull over and dig through and wallow in for the next week as I miss them terribly.
And my heart is so tender and filled with joy and I am completely at peace, but Oh, I miss them already. I miss the parents and the way they light up when their babies lock eyes with them. I miss the way the parents talk to eachother with the closeness of people who know eachother through and through. I miss the closeness and special delight we all have in eachother. I miss the feel of their little bodies melting against me. I miss the joy I get from watching the parents figure out all the intricacies of what their babies like. I guess I just miss them.
And still, I am filled with an indescribable joy and sense of completion and satisfaction. This is what surrogacy is, this combination of love and passion and perfect loss.
I am so proud of those parents and feel so lucky to share in this special thing we all did together. I can't think of what I did to deserve such a blessing, but I am thankful and humbled to be granted such a love as strong as this.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Babies Are Here!
More to come later, but...
The Babies Are Here!
They were born last night and are doing well. Both are healthy and vigorous and cute and didn't need any NICU time.
I'm sore and tired and relieved to no longer be pregnant.
And, I am beyond honored and thrilled to be part of creating this family! What a joy to see the parents loving their babies!
Thanks for everyone's interest, and those of you checking in! I promise a more detailed birth story in a couple days.
The Babies Are Here!
They were born last night and are doing well. Both are healthy and vigorous and cute and didn't need any NICU time.
I'm sore and tired and relieved to no longer be pregnant.
And, I am beyond honored and thrilled to be part of creating this family! What a joy to see the parents loving their babies!
Thanks for everyone's interest, and those of you checking in! I promise a more detailed birth story in a couple days.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Other Than Tango, Tango Music
This isn't one of those judgmental calls on what is or is not tango. I could care less what people dance, and how they do it, as long as they are respectful of other dancers on the floor, and their partner.
But I've spent the last several days mulling this over in my head, and I really would like your input.
How is it that you can find the heart of the dance of Tango in music that isn't Tango music?
For me, the very essence of the dance is in the nuance of the music, and I have a hard time feeling it the same in non-tango music, and even in non-traditional tango music. So, it makes it hard for me to understand what ignites the passion of the dance of Tango in you, if it isn't the music? What moves you? And, if it is about the music, but you don't listen to traditional, then how do you find the tango spirit in it?
But I've spent the last several days mulling this over in my head, and I really would like your input.
How is it that you can find the heart of the dance of Tango in music that isn't Tango music?
For me, the very essence of the dance is in the nuance of the music, and I have a hard time feeling it the same in non-tango music, and even in non-traditional tango music. So, it makes it hard for me to understand what ignites the passion of the dance of Tango in you, if it isn't the music? What moves you? And, if it is about the music, but you don't listen to traditional, then how do you find the tango spirit in it?
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