Sunday, May 31, 2009

Happy 1 Year Blog-a-Birthday!

I missed it because I was busy off having babies, but as of May 25th, I've been blogging for 1 year!

Beautiful Moments

For me, the moment that makes it true, the moment that makes it all just right, the moment that I carry in my head and heart as the most perfect moments in our surrogacy;

It's the moment after birth when I hold the babies and the mother says something and they turn their heads toward her voice. Because they know her. Babies instinctively turn toward their mothers' voices.

I remember the moment it happened with Tor, and the delight I felt and the surprise! And then the absolute perfectness of that moment. And with the twinnies, ahhhh, the same joy.

It could not be more beautiful than that moment.

They're Gone. : (

Today I kissed their precious little heads, hugged their parents hard, and said my GoodByes.

It's such a bittersweet moment to have them go home. I want desperately for them to return to their lives and settle into their being parents, to leave the surrogacy part of it behind and just be their family. To have the completion and the normalcy that families not struck with infertility have. To just be a family, not a family through surrogacy.

And so I held them tight and loved their sweet little butter bodies, and talked and laughed with the parents, and put each special second in a sacred decorated part of my brain to mull over and dig through and wallow in for the next week as I miss them terribly.

And my heart is so tender and filled with joy and I am completely at peace, but Oh, I miss them already. I miss the parents and the way they light up when their babies lock eyes with them. I miss the way the parents talk to eachother with the closeness of people who know eachother through and through. I miss the closeness and special delight we all have in eachother. I miss the feel of their little bodies melting against me. I miss the joy I get from watching the parents figure out all the intricacies of what their babies like. I guess I just miss them.

And still, I am filled with an indescribable joy and sense of completion and satisfaction. This is what surrogacy is, this combination of love and passion and perfect loss.

I am so proud of those parents and feel so lucky to share in this special thing we all did together. I can't think of what I did to deserve such a blessing, but I am thankful and humbled to be granted such a love as strong as this.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Babies Are Here!

More to come later, but...

The Babies Are Here!

They were born last night and are doing well. Both are healthy and vigorous and cute and didn't need any NICU time.

I'm sore and tired and relieved to no longer be pregnant.

And, I am beyond honored and thrilled to be part of creating this family! What a joy to see the parents loving their babies!

Thanks for everyone's interest, and those of you checking in! I promise a more detailed birth story in a couple days.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Other Than Tango, Tango Music

This isn't one of those judgmental calls on what is or is not tango. I could care less what people dance, and how they do it, as long as they are respectful of other dancers on the floor, and their partner.

But I've spent the last several days mulling this over in my head, and I really would like your input.

How is it that you can find the heart of the dance of Tango in music that isn't Tango music?

For me, the very essence of the dance is in the nuance of the music, and I have a hard time feeling it the same in non-tango music, and even in non-traditional tango music. So, it makes it hard for me to understand what ignites the passion of the dance of Tango in you, if it isn't the music? What moves you? And, if it is about the music, but you don't listen to traditional, then how do you find the tango spirit in it?

Saturday, May 9, 2009

34+ preggo update

We're 34 weeks and some change, coming up quickly on 35 weeks and I'm round and full of babies! The end is just a couple short weeks away, and I've started to feel that melancholy bittersweet sense of wanting to grasp every single last little moment of enjoying having the babies in me, and also just want to be able to mow my damn lawn!

I asked pretty please for the cerclage to come out early so I didn't have to worry about removing it once I was in labor, so the surgery to remove it is scheduled for Wednesday, which (by their reckoning) will put us at exactly 35 weeks. The mama of the babies will be here the following Monday, and I think it would be nice to have them sometime that week, but I wouldn't mind if they wanted to hang out a while longer too. Although 37-38 weeks would be better, anything after 36 is fine too. They'll be healthy and happy, just not as plump as I would like.

I am really enjoying this last part of the pregnancy, and being round and full moon big. Today the sun was out and it was a treasure to feel it warming my taut skin, and to feel the babies squirming as they too were warmed. I can't really think of much I like better. In the end, I just do love being pregnant.

I am excited to see their mama again! Although we talk a lot, I haven't seen the mama and papa since the birth of Tor, nearly 2 years ago! It seems like so long, but when you are just going through your daily living motions it goes so fast, and suddenly it's been two years. The mama isn't bringing my surroson with her for the birth of the twins, and I completely understand! I can't imagine trying to figure out how to juggle all of the arrangements and having no idea when the babies will come, etc. I will go out to visit them sometime this summer and it will be so nice to see the whole family together! But for now, I am just looking forward to getting some one-on-one time with the mama. I have grown to really love her.

The rest of my life has been busy and full; with tango stuff (but no dancing), parenting, work, etc...all the things that keep life moving and lovely. For the most part, it's wonderful and satisfying.

Hopefully, my next blog post will be an announcement of babies!

Lots of spring love to all of you in the blogosphere!

Tired of Tango? Want Out?

The surefire fastest way to become disenchanted with your tango community? Get involved in running an event. That'll do it for you.