We're 34 weeks and some change, coming up quickly on 35 weeks and I'm round and full of babies! The end is just a couple short weeks away, and I've started to feel that melancholy bittersweet sense of wanting to grasp every single last little moment of enjoying having the babies in me, and also just want to be able to mow my damn lawn!
I asked pretty please for the cerclage to come out early so I didn't have to worry about removing it once I was in labor, so the surgery to remove it is scheduled for Wednesday, which (by their reckoning) will put us at exactly 35 weeks. The mama of the babies will be here the following Monday, and I think it would be nice to have them sometime that week, but I wouldn't mind if they wanted to hang out a while longer too. Although 37-38 weeks would be better, anything after 36 is fine too. They'll be healthy and happy, just not as plump as I would like.
I am really enjoying this last part of the pregnancy, and being round and full moon big. Today the sun was out and it was a treasure to feel it warming my taut skin, and to feel the babies squirming as they too were warmed. I can't really think of much I like better. In the end, I just do love being pregnant.
I am excited to see their mama again! Although we talk a lot, I haven't seen the mama and papa since the birth of Tor, nearly 2 years ago! It seems like so long, but when you are just going through your daily living motions it goes so fast, and suddenly it's been two years. The mama isn't bringing my surroson with her for the birth of the twins, and I completely understand! I can't imagine trying to figure out how to juggle all of the arrangements and having no idea when the babies will come, etc. I will go out to visit them sometime this summer and it will be so nice to see the whole family together! But for now, I am just looking forward to getting some one-on-one time with the mama. I have grown to really love her.
The rest of my life has been busy and full; with tango stuff (but no dancing), parenting, work, etc...all the things that keep life moving and lovely. For the most part, it's wonderful and satisfying.
Hopefully, my next blog post will be an announcement of babies!
Lots of spring love to all of you in the blogosphere!
Showing posts with label By all accounts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label By all accounts. Show all posts
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Tired of Tango? Want Out?
The surefire fastest way to become disenchanted with your tango community? Get involved in running an event. That'll do it for you.
*sigh*
*sigh*
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Man to be
My 12 year old amazes me. He is this crazy blending of physical traits, motions, thinkings...some I recognize, some I see are completely his own.
Sometimes he gives me glimpses into the man he'll be and they leave me breathless. The other day I was laying on my bed, reading a book, and he comes into my room with a glass of water. He sets it on my bedside table.
12 yr old: Mom, are you thirsty?
ManyMom: no?
12 yr old: I brought you some water.
I thanked him, but he stood there waiting.
ManyMom: Sweetie, do you need something?
12 yr old: Mom, you should drink some water. Pregnant women need to drink lots of water.
Now, that in and of itself is amazing, but what is really amazing is that when I was pregnant with Tor two years ago, I offhandedly mentioned to him that he should remember that pregnant and nursing women need to drink lots of water, and that if he ever has children to not ask the mom if she wants it but to just bring it to her and remind her to drink.
He remembered.
Sometimes he gives me glimpses into the man he'll be and they leave me breathless. The other day I was laying on my bed, reading a book, and he comes into my room with a glass of water. He sets it on my bedside table.
12 yr old: Mom, are you thirsty?
ManyMom: no?
12 yr old: I brought you some water.
I thanked him, but he stood there waiting.
ManyMom: Sweetie, do you need something?
12 yr old: Mom, you should drink some water. Pregnant women need to drink lots of water.
Now, that in and of itself is amazing, but what is really amazing is that when I was pregnant with Tor two years ago, I offhandedly mentioned to him that he should remember that pregnant and nursing women need to drink lots of water, and that if he ever has children to not ask the mom if she wants it but to just bring it to her and remind her to drink.
He remembered.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Monday, September 15, 2008
Passion for Tango
Excerpted from a letter with a friend, about losing our mojo in tango.
It does underlie everything in the dance, doesn't it? It's hard though, in those moments of lapse, to remember that anything else exists.
What is it about tango that strips us?
I think it's the music. It's so absolute, and in the absence of our own mojo, the music intensifies the lack. It pulls from my gut that sense of want and then tugs me along like a pull toy. Sometimes I hate feeling played with that way. And sometimes I can think of nothing else. It's the lover that knows all the buttons to push; to melt me and to denigrate me and to bring me high and to show I'm nothing, and then to make me beg for more because I've rarely felt something so beautifully intense.
I don't feel the same with alternative music. From that, I can just walk away if the night isn't flowing. But never from traditional. It follows me, sits with me, demands my attention. Sometimes I have to find that bravado, that mojo, that sense of fullness in myself...just to make it go away for a couple minutes so I can breathe.
But then, in that second of breath, I fall in love all over again.
Comparisons
It is so interesting to me how I can dance with someone and have a very meh kind of dance, only to have a friend return from a tanda with the same person raving about him.
When that happens, and it happens frequently, all I can do is softly giggle to myself.
When that happens, and it happens frequently, all I can do is softly giggle to myself.
Connecting in the Embrace
Ahhhhh, I think I'm getting it now.
When Filo was here last week, he said something along the lines of, when you connect through the embrace you can stop thinking about the feet, because they will just follow the embrace.
When I danced with a friend, he told me, You have to love them all, embrace them all like they are the only one.
The other day a teacher told me, when you cross in close embrace you still keep that connection. Don't open up, don't lose the contact.
I finally got it.
On Saturday, I had some lovely very connected dances in close embrace. We maintained contact and the feet (for the most part) just went where they were supposed to. And then I had a dance with a leader I'd never danced with before. There was a height issue, and he kept pulling away, breaking our contact. It was like night and day for me! I couldn't believe how much harder he was to follow (and how much worse my dancing!).
I hadn't realized that losing that connection, for even a second, is like dancing off the beat.
When Filo was here last week, he said something along the lines of, when you connect through the embrace you can stop thinking about the feet, because they will just follow the embrace.
When I danced with a friend, he told me, You have to love them all, embrace them all like they are the only one.
The other day a teacher told me, when you cross in close embrace you still keep that connection. Don't open up, don't lose the contact.
I finally got it.
On Saturday, I had some lovely very connected dances in close embrace. We maintained contact and the feet (for the most part) just went where they were supposed to. And then I had a dance with a leader I'd never danced with before. There was a height issue, and he kept pulling away, breaking our contact. It was like night and day for me! I couldn't believe how much harder he was to follow (and how much worse my dancing!).
I hadn't realized that losing that connection, for even a second, is like dancing off the beat.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Plateauing
Here's a reminder for you, E.
Plateauing is like climbing a mountain. You work really hard, and then you reach that plateau and you get a chance to cruise for awhile. Enjoy the sunshine, smell the wildflowers, gaze at the clouds and find dragons, maybe eat some lunch. Catch your breath.
But at some point you start to get anxious. You still have so much mountain to climb, and it still seems so far away. So you start to hurry. And notice less of the beauty around you, because your focus has shifted.
It means you're ready for the next part of your journey. Ready to start up that mountain again. Ready to focus and get down to business.
So this dissatisfaction with your plateau, it's a good thing. And you'll be climbing again soon!
Thursday, September 11, 2008
ssssshhhh.......
I've had a quiet week in the blogoshpere, because my real life has been jam packed.
1. Virus on computer.
2. 2nd week of school, including an overnight for my middle schooler.
3. Board meetings (already!) -- I'm on our charter school's board of directors.
4. Placement meetings, and tours of the (sorta) new school for 16 yr. old. Yay! He has a school and starts Monday!
5. Normal everyday life, including a house that is messy 12 minutess after I clean it; the never-ending pile of laundry which currently includes my 22 yr.old brother's laundry (because I'm nice like that); dinner and keeping the fridge stocked with 3 growing boys working hard to keep it empty; and of course , work.
6. Oh right, did I mention daily hormone injections and the mental energy of thinking of getting myself knocked up?
And, of course, dance. I danced Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights last week, did workshops on Saturday and Sunday, and danced Monday night too! And here it is, Thursday night again and the dancing week starts over for me.
So, you see, something had to give. It was you or my kids, Friends. And frankly, they are MUCH louder than you.
I'm hoping to get a little time this afternoon to talk about the workshops this past weekend with Filo Avignonesi. Very Interesting....
1. Virus on computer.
2. 2nd week of school, including an overnight for my middle schooler.
3. Board meetings (already!) -- I'm on our charter school's board of directors.
4. Placement meetings, and tours of the (sorta) new school for 16 yr. old. Yay! He has a school and starts Monday!
5. Normal everyday life, including a house that is messy 12 minutess after I clean it; the never-ending pile of laundry which currently includes my 22 yr.old brother's laundry (because I'm nice like that); dinner and keeping the fridge stocked with 3 growing boys working hard to keep it empty; and of course , work.
6. Oh right, did I mention daily hormone injections and the mental energy of thinking of getting myself knocked up?
And, of course, dance. I danced Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights last week, did workshops on Saturday and Sunday, and danced Monday night too! And here it is, Thursday night again and the dancing week starts over for me.
So, you see, something had to give. It was you or my kids, Friends. And frankly, they are MUCH louder than you.
I'm hoping to get a little time this afternoon to talk about the workshops this past weekend with Filo Avignonesi. Very Interesting....
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Lime Green Corset Top
I finished it, and it was surprisingly easy. The next will be a snap, and I've already picked out the fabric. The only change I will have to make to the pattern is to shorten the back a little (it creases at the waist), and tighten the bust a bit.
Though, I did get some mild wrinkles around the boning, when I sewed it in. I think it was because the boning was already in a casing, so I just sewed the casing in. The pattern called for me to make the casing from excess in the 5/8, but I figured that using the boning already in the casing reinforced it, and the material I'm making the corset out of is lightweight, so.... there are a few small wrinkles. Next time I will use the boning without the casing.
I have to shimmy to get in and out of it, but it's super cute and will look GREAT with a pair of black palazzos.
Which, I will make tomorrow. And wear tomorrow or Saturday night. I'll post a picture then.
Our chain fabric store finally got in some decent lighter weight jersey knit in fall colors, for the palazzo pants but before I could even get down there some wench bought the entire bolts of the black,the lighter blue and the navy blue! So mad! I don't like to order fabric over the internet because I want to touch it, and this is so frustrating! They can special order more, but they were saying it would take 4-6 weeks.
Though, I did get some mild wrinkles around the boning, when I sewed it in. I think it was because the boning was already in a casing, so I just sewed the casing in. The pattern called for me to make the casing from excess in the 5/8, but I figured that using the boning already in the casing reinforced it, and the material I'm making the corset out of is lightweight, so.... there are a few small wrinkles. Next time I will use the boning without the casing.
I have to shimmy to get in and out of it, but it's super cute and will look GREAT with a pair of black palazzos.
Which, I will make tomorrow. And wear tomorrow or Saturday night. I'll post a picture then.
Our chain fabric store finally got in some decent lighter weight jersey knit in fall colors, for the palazzo pants but before I could even get down there some wench bought the entire bolts of the black,the lighter blue and the navy blue! So mad! I don't like to order fabric over the internet because I want to touch it, and this is so frustrating! They can special order more, but they were saying it would take 4-6 weeks.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
DHS RANT
Please feel free to bypass this rant.
It's part of the reason I am C R A N K Y.
Tomorrow is the first day of school. For everyone except my foster son, because at this juncture we don't know WHERE he will be going to school.
For those of you that don't know the system, by the time they become teens, most kids have been in and out of foster homes, have some kind of history of bad stuff (abuse, violence, drugs, stealing, etc.), and don't go to regular public schools, blah blah. Maybe this isn't true about all foster teens, but I only take the hard to place teens, which means there will be some significant back history that makes schooling challenging.
When I took this teen in (mid-way through July), I said that I wanted schooling addressed as soon as possible, to be able to work on creating a success story before he even walked in the door. Knowing where he would be, visiting, meeting teachers before, helping them understand how to manage his behaviours, giving him an early idea of what to expect. Mental preparation. But in August we got switched to a new case worker, we can't sort out who his prescriber for meds is (so he's out), his special care nurse has not called to make an appointment, AND WE STILL DON'T KNOW WHERE HE WILL GO TO SCHOOL! Because of his situation, we can't just walk in and enroll him in a school. His records need to be gone through, multiple meetings need to happen to determine the best placement, etc.
So, what this means is that we are starting out in the red. Negative Balance, here. No meds, no mental preparation, and lots of stress and anxiety.
His case worker is wonderful. Really. And doing the best he can, but he has over 200 kids on his case load, and he's supposed to be caring for ALL of them. It's no wonder nothing gets accomplished.
Sigh.
It's my job to help this kid be successful, but I can only go so far, and the State is not supporting me. Not because they are bad, or because it's personal. It's not. But this system, our foster care system, is BAD. It's diseased. It's amazing it works at all.
It's part of the reason I am C R A N K Y.
Tomorrow is the first day of school. For everyone except my foster son, because at this juncture we don't know WHERE he will be going to school.
For those of you that don't know the system, by the time they become teens, most kids have been in and out of foster homes, have some kind of history of bad stuff (abuse, violence, drugs, stealing, etc.), and don't go to regular public schools, blah blah. Maybe this isn't true about all foster teens, but I only take the hard to place teens, which means there will be some significant back history that makes schooling challenging.
When I took this teen in (mid-way through July), I said that I wanted schooling addressed as soon as possible, to be able to work on creating a success story before he even walked in the door. Knowing where he would be, visiting, meeting teachers before, helping them understand how to manage his behaviours, giving him an early idea of what to expect. Mental preparation. But in August we got switched to a new case worker, we can't sort out who his prescriber for meds is (so he's out), his special care nurse has not called to make an appointment, AND WE STILL DON'T KNOW WHERE HE WILL GO TO SCHOOL! Because of his situation, we can't just walk in and enroll him in a school. His records need to be gone through, multiple meetings need to happen to determine the best placement, etc.
So, what this means is that we are starting out in the red. Negative Balance, here. No meds, no mental preparation, and lots of stress and anxiety.
His case worker is wonderful. Really. And doing the best he can, but he has over 200 kids on his case load, and he's supposed to be caring for ALL of them. It's no wonder nothing gets accomplished.
Sigh.
It's my job to help this kid be successful, but I can only go so far, and the State is not supporting me. Not because they are bad, or because it's personal. It's not. But this system, our foster care system, is BAD. It's diseased. It's amazing it works at all.
BlogDay 2008
Tassili, over at La vie en rousse, a charming blog (in french) that I can only read with Babelfish, which makes for some interesting translations, included me in her list.
Thank You! I'm honored.
(not that you can see it on that screen shot, but if you really want to go over to her blog and check it out!)
Thank You! I'm honored.
(not that you can see it on that screen shot, but if you really want to go over to her blog and check it out!)
Monday, September 1, 2008
Or Maybe...
Or maybe I'll stop feeling like I have to be so damn competent. Maybe I'll discover that I don't want to HAVE to be the one that does everything, that can do everything.
Maybe I'll figure out that it's ok to be taken care of, that it's ok to just be the feminine me, that there is someone that can do some of the things I have to take care of.
Maybe I don't need to be so damn independent.
Maybe I need to allow someone else to become someone I depend on.
Maybe I just need to allow someone to be part of my life.
Damn, growing up is hard.
Maybe I'll figure out that it's ok to be taken care of, that it's ok to just be the feminine me, that there is someone that can do some of the things I have to take care of.
Maybe I don't need to be so damn independent.
Maybe I need to allow someone else to become someone I depend on.
Maybe I just need to allow someone to be part of my life.
Damn, growing up is hard.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Make me feel better
There are lots more out there, but I'm supposed to be working and those three were the ones that immediately jumped to mind. Well, and of course Johanna's entire blog. (shhhh...don't tell her I am like, totally in love. I don't think she's figured it out yet.)
Today is crappy yucky doodoo again. I think today I will blame it on hormones, and just keep seeking the things that give me a little glimmer, a little reminder of light. *sigh* (We better damn well get a baby this time, because this hormone crap gets old. )( But S, if you are reading this, it's totally worth it. Really, these are the hormones talking. And they go away. Don't feel bad.)
Today is crappy yucky doodoo again. I think today I will blame it on hormones, and just keep seeking the things that give me a little glimmer, a little reminder of light. *sigh* (We better damn well get a baby this time, because this hormone crap gets old. )( But S, if you are reading this, it's totally worth it. Really, these are the hormones talking. And they go away. Don't feel bad.)
More than Tango, It's About You
Go read this post again. It's guaranteed to make a crappy day better. At least, that's what I'm hoping.
And if you haven't read it yet (anyone out there read my blog that isn't a tangophile? You should read this post to. It's beautiful and soulful and one of the reasons we all dance.), GO READ IT.
And if you haven't read it yet (anyone out there read my blog that isn't a tangophile? You should read this post to. It's beautiful and soulful and one of the reasons we all dance.), GO READ IT.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Beautiful Feet
Is it possible to be a dancer and still have beautiful feet?
I used to have beautiful feet. And now? They aren't so beautiful. Or maybe they are just beautiful in a different way.
Today, I have toenails that are a mess (How do I keep doing that to my toenails? Why don't I notice it when it's happening?), a blister peeling off, calluses that I don't seem to be able to rub off no matter how pumicey my pumice stone is, a giant bruise where some mislead young thing stuck her sharp sharp heel into the top of my foot, a nasty scratch across the top of the same foot from MY heel, a fading tan that doesn't match my heels...
Maybe I need to redefine beautiful feet.
I used to have beautiful feet. And now? They aren't so beautiful. Or maybe they are just beautiful in a different way.
Today, I have toenails that are a mess (How do I keep doing that to my toenails? Why don't I notice it when it's happening?), a blister peeling off, calluses that I don't seem to be able to rub off no matter how pumicey my pumice stone is, a giant bruise where some mislead young thing stuck her sharp sharp heel into the top of my foot, a nasty scratch across the top of the same foot from MY heel, a fading tan that doesn't match my heels...
Maybe I need to redefine beautiful feet.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Timeless Moment
You know that timeless moment between beats, where the whole world stops and there is no sense of hurry, or rush, of think-what-next, because you have all the time in the world?
That's where I feel like I'm sitting with my tango.
At that moment, between beats.
mmmm.....
That's where I feel like I'm sitting with my tango.
At that moment, between beats.
mmmm.....
Music
So, now that I feel like I am starting to be able to discern different styles, orchestras, etc., I am wanting to really delve into the music. But my cobbled together collection rarely has names, dates, etc, which is maddening. It's ridiculous to sit and hope I hear a particular piece of music somewhere where I can ask for all its dirty little secrets.
So, tango friends, how did you build your tango collections? Where did you find the music? What are the must-haves?
So, tango friends, how did you build your tango collections? Where did you find the music? What are the must-haves?
Monday, August 11, 2008
My Little Sister: A tanguera in the making
My 14 year old sister spent last week with me, and I drug her to all my usual tango events.
By Sunday, tango was all she could talk about! Ha!
Saturday night I took her to the milonga with me. We got there a little later than I normally do, and the floor was pretty quiet. I let her know she might not get many dances. Boy, was I WRONG! That girl got dance after dance after dance. I think she only sat out maybe 2 or 3 tandas. I was so happy for her.
And that's it. She's hooked.
By Sunday, tango was all she could talk about! Ha!
Saturday night I took her to the milonga with me. We got there a little later than I normally do, and the floor was pretty quiet. I let her know she might not get many dances. Boy, was I WRONG! That girl got dance after dance after dance. I think she only sat out maybe 2 or 3 tandas. I was so happy for her.
And that's it. She's hooked.
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