Thursday, January 29, 2009

In the Hospital

Well thanks to a small complication, I've spent the last couple of days in the hospital. I'm ok, and the babies are great, and I'm glad we all caught it before it got too far along.

It seems that my cervix is shortening, and so we put in a cerclage. A cerclage is a band of suture that goes through or around (mine is around) the cervix to prevent if from opening prematurely. It is a necessary intervention in our case. We'll remove it around 34-36 weeks, and let labor happen on its own. And hope that we don't go into labor before that.

This means limited activity for me, and at least a week of full bed rest. At home, at least. It means a whole lot of sitting and laying around. This will be a new experience for me, because, I don't know if you can tell--but, I'm kind of a busy person.

It will also mean board games in bed with my kids, extra snuggles, reading books together, quiet time, and bonding with my cat. It's not how I wanted it to work out, but an excuse to lay around and hang out with my kids sounds ok too. I haven't had time to have that kind of one-on-one with them, that kind of dedicated, nothing else we need to do, kind of time in a loooong time. That part of it will be nice.

This also means no more tango for this pregnancy.

Missed Connection

Call me a romantic, but this San Francisco gentleman met a tanguera, was swept up in her mystery and made the mistake of not getting her number. Maybe some of you fancy yourselves matchmakers....if you know who his cinderella was, can you pass on the word that he'd love to meet up with her again?

Sunday, January 25, 2009


I am still grappling with a betrayal. It happened months ago, and each time I think I'm shed of it, something brings it fresh to the surface.

When it first happened I was mad, and then a bit sad, and then --true to form for me-- I picked up, made what peace I could and moved on. But apparently I'm not really at peace with it, because today brought it fresh again and I am mad. And it's all ego, because I'm not mad at her. I'm mad at me for being so naive to have loved so innocently and completely and trustingly, and to think it was the same thing returned. I should have known. Just that. I should have known.

Where's the grief? This was a major friendship in my life, and it ended abruptly and I want to know where is the grief over it? If I can still feel angry about it, then there must be something still to heal for myself, and so when do I get that? How long do I be angry and feel betrayed before I can move onto the grief stage? Our friendship deserves that kind of ceremony.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

5 to tango

Last night a friend strapped on her 6 month old and led me in a couple of songs. 5 of us, in one tango.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Baby Update

We are right about 17 weeks! Not quite halfway there, though, since twins usually come early we're closer to halfway than not.

Both babies are doing very well. Baby A (this is the baby that will be born first) is a littl boy, and Baby B (who is happily stretched across the top of my uterus) is a little girl. Yesterday we did another ultrasound (I have them every three weeks--I think that's a bit excessive, but I'm sure that's the homebirth midwife in me talking) and Baby B had her foot constantly pressed up against Baby A's head. I wonder if he'll throw that in her face later in life?

They are both growing a bit ahead of schedule, which is good. Better to have babies that are bigger than expected than to have babies that are smaller than they should be.

I'm really just beginning to feel movement. All day today I felt Baby A poking me where my pants pushed in on him. And Baby B is fainter but I'm beginning to feel her more. She's the one that gets in the way in close embrace. I actually had to pull out of close embrace on Saturday and move to open because she was in an awkward position that made it uncomfortable for me.

Typically the belly growth measurements correspond to what week you are in your pregnancy. So, at twenty weeks the fundus (or top) of the uterus is usually level with the belly button. I'm measuring at about 22 - 23 weeks, with the babies just a bit below my ribcage. I have a cute round belly.

No more illness or nausea, but I seem to have lost my appetite. I'm working on trying to get all the calories in that I need, but it's hard. Weight gain is a little below what it should be.

I feel really good and remember that this is the time that I most love in pregnancy. The second trimester. Lots of energy, sweet belly, lots of kicks. This is fun!

The parents are busy picking out names and settling in to the reality that they really are going to have twins. I love hearing the joy in the mama's voice and the fear in the papa's. It's really sweet.

So, that's the baby update. We're doing well.

Pregnant Tango

The nice thing about being obviously pregnant and dancing is that it doesn't matter how off I am that night, it is pretty much guaranteed that someone will come and gush about how beautiful I am. It goes to a girl's head, I tell you.

I'm struggling just a little with the body changes. I wasn't really dancing when I was pregnant last (actually, I started tango lessons when I was 7 months pregnant with my last surroson), and I certainly didn't have the same kind of watchfulness about what I looked like while dancing, how my clothes accented features, what I looked like in sexy shoes, etc. This time, I know it. And I love my pregnant body, but sometimes I feel self-conscious about it. Kinda like the fishbowl effect, you know? I'm the pregnant chick on the dancefloor. Sometimes it gets to me.

And then, evenings like tonight happen where I am told again and again how lovely I am, how beautiful I look dancing, and it's nice to have that kind of love showered on me and on the babies. It's nice to share the joy of growing these babies with people. And for a few moments I forget that I feel a little awkward in my body.

Thanks to all you lovely people that say such lovely things.