Sunday, May 31, 2009

They're Gone. : (

Today I kissed their precious little heads, hugged their parents hard, and said my GoodByes.

It's such a bittersweet moment to have them go home. I want desperately for them to return to their lives and settle into their being parents, to leave the surrogacy part of it behind and just be their family. To have the completion and the normalcy that families not struck with infertility have. To just be a family, not a family through surrogacy.

And so I held them tight and loved their sweet little butter bodies, and talked and laughed with the parents, and put each special second in a sacred decorated part of my brain to mull over and dig through and wallow in for the next week as I miss them terribly.

And my heart is so tender and filled with joy and I am completely at peace, but Oh, I miss them already. I miss the parents and the way they light up when their babies lock eyes with them. I miss the way the parents talk to eachother with the closeness of people who know eachother through and through. I miss the closeness and special delight we all have in eachother. I miss the feel of their little bodies melting against me. I miss the joy I get from watching the parents figure out all the intricacies of what their babies like. I guess I just miss them.

And still, I am filled with an indescribable joy and sense of completion and satisfaction. This is what surrogacy is, this combination of love and passion and perfect loss.

I am so proud of those parents and feel so lucky to share in this special thing we all did together. I can't think of what I did to deserve such a blessing, but I am thankful and humbled to be granted such a love as strong as this.

10 comments:

tangobaby said...

What a truly beautiful thing you have done. And for some reason, although the babies may be out of sight to you, they do not feel truly gone.

Your story and your photo are simply wonderful.

Johanna said...

You've just completed the Circle of Life. Nothing is more precious.

Melissa said...

I think you are so amazing.

ad said...

I am in awe of your strength and your heart.
Thanks for sharing these moments.

Elizabeth said...

Thanks for sharing this, but I have to tell you I write this through tears. Such a gift, there is none bigger or more precious...
XOXO
E

Mtnhighmama said...

oh, you all have made me cry again.

Surprisingly, the ache has receded already. Today I came home to a message on my machine telling me how it went introducing their two year old to the twins, and it made me grin. All I felt was joy, and that was nice. I can't wait to talk to them tomorrow to get all the details!

mommyto2daddy'sgirls said...

You did such a great job. I am proud to be in the circle of surrogates. I hope those happy memories stay with you forever!

Alyce said...

You are so amazing for having the love and strength to do this for them! What a wonderful gift!

Aly The Red-Bliss Monkey Studio said...

I adore this photo of you! It's gorgeous. And that's how you looked too, so glow-y and perfect with perfect babies.

xoxoxoxox

Katrina_D said...

Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful story. I've always wondered what it would be like to carry babies and then not mother them, and I regarded it as sort of a tragedy as well as a wonderful thing for the parents. Now I see that, while you will miss then, the desire to help this family wins out in the end. You are amazing.