Friday, August 22, 2008

C-R-A-P Week

It has been a crap week. Seriously. There were several times where I considered drowning myself in my toilet. Except, as my oh so charming (and very dry sense of humored) twelve-year-old let me know, my head is too big to expect to reasonably drown myself in the toilet. Perhaps I should try the bathtub.

I know a lot of people will assume it is because of the end of the my brief love affair, but I moved through that one quickly. Today, I'm at peace. It was bad timing for both, and oh but we made each other feel good for a short bit of time. How can I feel anything but joy over that? And, as I explained to a friend before, my life was so good before and he only added to it. Him being gone didn't ever take anything away, and ahhh, the reminder of the luscious juiciness I have (and had!) inside me.

But it wasn't C-R-A-P because of him, but for a whole bevy of communication issues with others. People I disappointed, made angry, misconstrued, didn't construe at all, whatever.

I went to the practica last night with the intention to listen. Just really listen. Not filter, not push my own, but to just listen because apparently this week I've dropped that ball on listening and/or interpreting in my other relationships. And what I got was a warm reminder that I am worthy, that people want my input, that misconstruing something can be turned into a different movement with equally pleasurable results, and that an off moment is just that--another moment.

I needed to dance last night. I needed it. Funny how it has become more than just music, more than just connection, more than an ever-pounding series of thoughts. It's become something my body craves, something that soothes my mind, something that allows me to reflect. It's become part of me and how I move through my day. How did I get by before tango?


Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, I'm laughing. But girlfriend, you are soooo bitten :-)

Mtnhighmama said...

Go ahead, Laugh. It's taken me over.

Shine said...

that's the reminder of child A that I was waiting for. I miss his humor! :)

Mtnhighmama said...

hmmm, Shine. His humor is so subtle it's hard to convey in words, but I'll see what I can pull out for you.

I just asked him what story he wanted me to tell, and I told him that it seemed like he wasn't getting an equal share of air time. And he said, "Good, I don't want equal air time. In fact, they can have mine" and he pantomimed giving it away to 20 yr old and Stupendous Child.

I can tell you, though, that last night we all watched Young Frankenstein and he thought it was so funny. It was such a pleasure to watch him openly laugh about something, he's usually so reserved.
And today he's pulled out little quotes and used them...sometimes accurately and sometimes just randomly.

But I'll be on the look out for you for more choice moments.

Shine said...

Thank You!