Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Traumatic

Can I just share with you all how traumatic the hospital experience really was for me? It's taken a bit to process it, but here, a couple weeks later, I can say it was traumatic.

There I was, on a table, legs up in crazy expose-me-to-the-world stirrups, and a spinal block. I can't feel anything below my bellybutton, can't move my legs, can't do anything but lay there at the mercy of these people that I don't know and don't trust. They're doing their routine thing, all normal and typical to them. And all I can do is lay there and breathe. And fight back the panic. Count the times my blood pressure drops so low he has to give me epinephrine and the buzzy two second high when it hits.

It was traumatic.

4 comments:

msHedgehog said...

That sounds spectacularly ghastly. That is all.

KennethSF said...

Wow! Being a male, I won't insult you by saying I can relate. But I think I just got new insights into why people dislike going to the hospital.

Johanna said...

Hang in there. This is an amazing ride you are on, and there are certain to be dips on the way. Don't dwell on it, but rather on the marvelous and wondrous creation you are involved in.

I'm glad you're writing again. I missed you.

Mtnhighmama said...

ms Hedgehog: It was ghastly. That's a good description.

kenneth: blech. Yeah. But I don't think it was exclusive to reproductive blech. Others must feel that same sense of helplessness.

Johanna: I try not to dwell. I tend to move quickly to put a good face on things, but knowing I have to go through it all over again makes my heart race. It IS worth it, though.