Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Surrogacy and Money

I know it's a topic of interest.

I don't get that much money for carrying a baby (or babies), for fulfilling a dream, for creating a family. If one were to average it out, it's no where near minimum wage. The compensation I receive as a surrogate is part of what makes it a legit and legal exchange, part of what defines the parameters to keep everyone safe, part of what makes the sacrifices worth it. But it's not WHY I am surrogate. In fact, I don't know a single surrogate that actually considers money the main reason she carries. And, in all honesty, as I sit her on bedrest, the idea that the money is the motivation is laughable. There really isn't enough money out there to make me halting my normal life worth it.

But I will tell you what is worth it all:

Creating a Family
Being part of something done with such Intention
Knowing that these children are wanted, cherished and cared for
Helping someone's Dream come true
Feeling these babies kick and knowing that every ounce of thought about them is suffused with love

I've seen births that I walked away from and said prayers for those babies and the lives ahead of them. I've seen new parents with no thought or consideration for what it means to actually parent. I've had children in my home that have so much damage that I'm not sure they can be loved enough to repair it.

I have a chance to help repair just a little bit of that damage, to balance it out.

So, yes, I'm compensated and it helps, but it's at the bottom of the list of why I am a surrogate. And so when people ask me first about the money, or say "You must get paid a lot to be willing to do that" or they make snide comments about babyselling, or they suggest I am a uterine whore....I don't even know what to say. The rude ones I don't bother with, they won't get it anyway.

But the rest of the people....how do I convey to them the aching beauty and trust that the parents share with me, give to me, to carry their child? And the absolute honor that is? How do I convey to them that this lovely little being inside of me wants and expects nothing more than the purity of love for a short time, and I get to give it? How do I share the absolute heartwrenching moment of seeing the parents realize that the baby in their arms is theirs?

I wish I could get people to really understand what is at the heart of being a surrogate.


Anonymous said...

You would not believe how many times I had people I knew tell me that there was not enough money in the world to make what I was going through worth it. After a while I had to just say, you are right. There is not enough money to make it worth it. But it is not about money. Just to see the look on my IP's face as they held their son for the first time, that was payment enough. That was enough to make it worth it. The money and little gifts exchanged through our journey is just a gift of gratitude.

Mtnhighmama said...

yep. I remember those first few moments when they held their son, and the beauty of it. The completion.

msHedgehog said...

This seems to me like one of those things it's self-evident that nobody really does for the money. Like jobbing actors, and the young women who perform in tango shows. If people were doing it for the money they'd do something physically easier, less emotionally demanding, and better paid.

Aly The Red-Bliss Monkey Studio said...

You write this sweet sweet, moving entry, then turn around and dislike people calling you an angel for being a surrogate. Sometimes you just are an angel.


Neonel said...

As for the surrogate mother, the main thing is the happiness of her own children or the children she gave birth to. Even if she is surrogate, she is still mother. But, during 9 months she carries the child of other people, but she should carry the child as it were her own one.