Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Surrogacy and Infertility, what it means to me as a surrogate

Kym, a surrogate and mother that dealt with infertility herself, posted some wonderful insights on how entering into surrogacy is a trip into infertility for the surrogate. Many of us become surrogates because we love pregnancy, love the idea of helping others have families. But we enter it in a wave of innocence. Most of us have little understanding of what infertility means, how it impacts women and their families, and how it can effect us.

I had theories about what it meant to be infertile. But the far reaching range of emotions was way bigger than I could ever have imagined.

Through surrogacy, I have experienced 11 cycles. Me, with my perfect uterus, my perfect pregnancy history, my simple homebirths. Even with modern science, I couldn't get pregnant 9 of those cycles. And each time, I wondered if it was my fault. It was humbling. I never thought it wouldn't work, until it didn't.

And that's me. That doesn't even begin to touch my Intended Parents that have gone through years of trying, repeated miscarriages, surgeries, invasive testing, poking, prodding, and each step their hope being whittled away to next to nothing. Except, they manage to keep it. Their hope, that is. It's slightly tarnished, and colored with some slightly off-kilter humor, and probably lots of counseling, but it's there.

These people look at the thing the want most in their lives and realize they can't make it happen for themselves, and then they hand it over to us. They hand it to a surrogate and say, Make my dream come true. The strength and belief that takes makes me cry. I don't know that I could give that much, trust that much, release that much. It is an enormous gift to be part of their dream.

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