Gender and loving a man

It's weird to have fallen for a man.

I know that it doesn't matter, not really. I've always fallen for the person, not the gender, but for a long time now I've really only been interested in having long-term relationships with women. My few love affairs with men were temporary, and I knew it, so was comfortable indulging that. Like visiting a foreign country.

And I've always loved Women, because they are women. Not because of some trauma in my life, or abuse or any of the other crap that people use to explain away why someone is gay. I've known since about 4th grade, and maybe even younger, that I liked women. My first crushes were Daisy Duke and Laura Ingalls. When I walk down the street, it's women that turn my head. I barely even glance at men.

But here he is, and I've never been so in love or felt such completion. And it is hard to reconcile this in my head. It's a whole reordering of my social universe.

I feel conspicuous with him in public. It feels weird to have people look at us, or to see us slip in a quick cuddle. Like I am doing something wrong. He tells me they are probably just enjoying our being in love.

He's turning my whole world upside down.