Tango last week...

Last Saturday I danced a couple tandas. I was really nervous to dance, nervous in that excited little kid way when the kid gets a new bike but it's almost too perfect to touch.

It was...different.

I was very deliberate with my choice of leaders and probably a little overboard on the lecture about keeping it basic, easy on twisty things, lead me slowly and expect some delays from me. (I like to think languid, not slow to react...)

The first song was full of giggles as we negotiated my belly and worked to find the right embrace. Even this pregnant I just don't want to dance Open. I just can't feel it, and it doesn't move me. So we started with what was our normal embrace, but that was awkward, and then tried a slightly looser less closey embrace, but that just made it hard for us to hear one another. Finally we settled on a V embrace that felt pretty good.

After our first dance, and moving into the second, I heard him release a held breath, and heard his sweet little whisper of, 'ahhhh, now I'm figuring you out'. In that moment I felt very cared for and heard, and really appreciated knowing that he was taking the time to reacquaint himself with how I was able to move. It made every tense thing in me relax, because I knew he wasn't going to lead me in something that would hurt me. I hadn't even realized how rigid I was holding myself, how protective I was being.

There were other dances, and they were sweet. I enjoyed the dancing, and was glad to just be in the tango again.

Notes to self:

• Even this pregnant, flats were a little awkward. Will try heels next time, though definitely lower practica heels. My balance is better in heels.

• Overturned Ochos are NOT ok in the third trimester. Ouch.

• I need to suggest the embrace. (I often wait and allow it to happen organically, but I need to be a little bit more guiding.)

• Allow myself a slower reaction time. Allow myself to be ok with enjoying placing each step exactly. This is a time to slow down each and every movement and enjoy that beauty. The lead will follow my pace.

• Expect the music to take me away. I haven't been so affected since when I first started to dance. The emotion in it is larger than life right now.

I still felt graceful. What a gift.