Leading above my ability...

I have some apprehension about dancing tonight.

I have made a conscious choice to enjoy each step of learning to tango. Sometimes this means I take longer to learn something, or I want to feel more comfortable in it before I dance it at the milonga.

I am a fledgling here, my feathers are still downy and not quite slick yet, and I'm ok with that. In fact, I am so enjoying the learning process and feel no desire to rush, but rather to learn at a pace that allows the information to sink into my head and my body. A tango friend of mine, and more experienced dancer, looked at me incredulously when I stated I wasn't ready to learn a certain move yet, that I needed to work on my walk and my balance a little more.

At the milongas, it's not enough. I am being asked to dance steps I don't know, and I miss the lead, and I can feel that this is frustrating to my lead. I can understand that, I really can.

So, what do I do? I want our dance to be as satisfying for me as for him. Do I let him know I am a beginner? I hate to set myself up for a pity tanda. So I just continue to dance to the extent I know and apologize when I miss his lead? What do I do? I hate knowing that they are feeling unfulfilled in our dance.

And so, as I think on tonight's milonga, I feel a little bit of apprehension.

Pacific Northwest Flavor

I adore the Von Foxies.



And just in case you missed it, those are carabiners on their garter belts and space needle pasties.

I think I'm

...In Love.
Thanks Shorpy!

On Intention

There is a conversation going on here that has been happening in my head for awhile.

When I am in the embrace of a lead, I am surrendering a certain amount of my own direction. I follow his lead, I take the steps he leads and hopefully, we find a synchronicity. One of the few true decisions I retain is the intention I bring to the dance.

When I step, what is my intention? When I place my arm along his shoulder, what is my intention? Am I completely connecting? Am I holding something in reserve? Am I allowing myself to be vulnerable and open enough to the dance?

I think the key is that my body is the vehicle of the extension of the lead's energy. When I feel him make the intention, I allow that intention to move my body in response.

When I surrender, or submit, to my lead's intention, what I really am saying is, "I hear what you are asking of me, and I will allow you to use my body to communicate your intention" and this is not in any way passive. This is a conscious acknowledgment on my part that I like your energy, and I like matching it and I enjoy how we move (it) together, and I have my own flavor to mingle with your intention.

And I can stop it cold if I don't like it.

Recently, I have found myself backleading into the music, which is a terrible thing to be doing! I wonder if I am reading the intention of the leader that he isn't following through on, or am I so lost in the music that I miss his subtle cues that he is pulling back from that next step?

Shouldn't there be a symbiotic connection? Shouldn't, or doesn't, my lead read me as I am reading him? I don't want to sacrifice the beauty of the connection to the music at the sake of reading my lead. How do I have both?

Wabbit Pick-Me-Up on a Dreary Day

Last night I went to bed with a heavy heart, and woke with a heavy heart.

Nothing a good latte and a choco-cherry scone can't push along, though. I like my lattes with just a hint of hazelnut. I like the scent, the olfactory twinkle, but not the sweet. Kind of like perfume for lattes.

Here is my sweet thing of the day...Bunnies!
We had bunnies on the 6th of May. They are heartstoppingly cute. Cryptonite Cute. Yesterday an entire office of women came to a dead stop and swooned at the mere sight of them.
These things might just be the answer to world peace.

May 26, 2007 Birthday

2 days ago you completed your first year entirely in your own body. You gave me so much, little one. My heart cracked open and pushed through my body like the swelling tide and all I can say is Thank You. Your mommy and daddy think it was I who gave the gift, but it was you.

Thank you for choosing me for this most special journey,
for reminding me of the sweet things in life,
for allowing and causing me to embrace my vulnerabilities,
for giving me a chance to relish the beauty of creating with my body,
for reminding me that I am good.

I love you, and your parents.

Your surromommy.

Tango Shoes to Grow Into

So, I finally bought shoes that are just for tango. Completely impractical, inappropriate for every other activity in my life, and absolutely lovely.

But I can't wear them yet. I just don't feel as if I've earned them.

When I slide my feet into those shoes, there's a world of possibility just waiting for me, and I want to be able to do them justice. I want to walk with style and precision, I want to catch every phrase my lead communicates, I want to know just when the right moment for that little embellishment is.

So they sit where I can see them, something more to strive for. But these are just for me. Everything else that I strive for in the dance is to make it better for both of us, but the shoes are just for me.

Sunday Morning Musings

I read people's blogs. I can't help it. It's a lot like being invited into their heads for a coffee date. How charming...

And so, I cordially invite you to a coffee date in my head...

Welcome.